Or a dart to the face?
Putting myself back on the market means putting myself back onto dating sites, because I have long-lost hope for meeting a suitor in the real life world. In a bar its deemed desperate, or intrusive. At work it’s deemed inappropriate. In a public place it’s deemed as creepy. Older people in your family introducing you seems so old-fashioned and forced. Therefore our only way of first communication is online, on social media’s. Stalking someone’s profile and life to death before thinking about meeting in person-it doesn’t leave much to the imagination, but it illiterates one thing. Fear. Fear has taken over lives. When it comes to dating and relationships, it controls every aspect, without you even noticing it. Fear.
You have the fear of intimacy, trust, loyalty, then the crippling fear of being alone, being unworthy, not finding anyone else. Settling out of fear. It’ll all a bit much, isn’t it? Then you don’t want to go to the other end of the scale a be friends with benefits, a hoe, a slag, a shag, because ultimately, that only fills a small hungry hole for a short period of time. No man is an Island, we are meant to have companionship and be with someone. That doesn’t mean you have to, to feel complete in life, but it isn’t in our nature.
The fear is real, flicking through plotted profiles, out loud I’m saying “he looks like a chat”, “he looks like he wouldn’t stand by me if I got pregnant”, “He looks like he can’t count money” and it’s beginning to feel like a serious game of Russian Roulette. Dating roulette. This is happening with many in my friends group too, who hate going on these sites, but how else are you meant to meet someone? Then they fear about meeting someone because they know it’s just going to be a waste of time. A lot of my friends long for “the old-fashioned days” where you’d just meet someone, you’d click and that would be it. Social media and other various sites have made people replaceable, made people an option, not made anyone special. So what is the point? Let’s all die alone. What is the other option?
Previous “relationships” and that’s hyphenated for a reason, I’ve met on Tinder. Plenty of Fish I found too serious, as in the men instantly wanted marriage and children, and I’d rather someone want that from me than want it in general before meeting me. I’d want it to feel natural and not needed. Bumble, I never match anyone. Legit, never match anyone. Inner Circle scares me, it feels too personal, too stalker-ish. So Tinder it is, hot, steamy, tinder, where the dregs of love go. I know there’s plenty more sites out there but Tinder is the go-to.
I feel as though I am taking a deadly chance with dating. There is a fear of eventually being hurt. This week, next week, the week after, the year after, thirty years time. You’ll never really know a person, or what they’re capable of. Dating will always be something you dare to do, it is taking a chance on another human being and it can be really fun. But it is also becoming such a drag, such a strain that it’s almost becoming a chore. Maybe I’m really not ready for dating, especially when I’m being so critical. After the recent heartaches and efforts being “for nothing” its a worrying thought that it will just happen again.
Maybe the Roulette is wanting to find the guy who is the bullet, who is different to everyone other piece of dirt that doesn’t text back, ghosts, doesn’t want anything serious but doesn’t have the courage to tell you so, or has ambitions and leaves you for a job, a desire. Maybe the bullet is the “one”, so how many shots is it going to take?
These dating apps/sites feel like you’re sifting through a portfolio of men and is that really what finding love is about? I don’t know. I can’t tell you. All I can say is that because of social media, because of this ever-growing technical world, the idea of online dating is ruining dating.
Being on Tinder, and hating myself for it, I am still deciding whether or not to chase after someone (an ex) in New York and try to have my ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ moment, which would make my life, but is that asking for too much?
Perhaps these fairy-tale stories have also contributed to ruining the dating scene; wanting the physical, real life meet-cute and whirlwind romance, drama and happily ever after.
That dream is still better than a dick pic and an incorrectly spelt pick up line.
Deleting the apps and booking a flight right now.